Now many crowds were going along with Him, and He turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
Luke 14:25-26
Introduction
I do not know about you, but this section of scripture has always given me problems. It is actually one of the earliest passages I remember hearing preached from the pulpit when I was a young believer. It was as perplexing then as it is now, and the interpretation I was given was not entirely satisfactory. What I was told at the time is that “hate” here does not mean hate in the absolute sense, but in comparison. That is: to hate your father, mother, children, brothers, sisters, and your own life is to love God so much that your love for each of these other things only seems like hate.
But that was not something I saw substantiated by the text. It felt like a cheap way of working around this difficult text. That is not a knock against the pastor who preached this or the doubtless hundreds or even thousands of other pastors who preach this same message. For some, that is a very simple way to tie up the matter and understand the gist of what is being said. But maybe we can look elsewhere for some clues to help us.
Hating your family?
I will say that I do, in fact, agree with the stated interpretation above to an extent. I only feel like the explanation of it is lacking. So perhaps we can find a more gratifying route to understanding what Jesus is saying. There is one example in particular that comes to mind which contrasts love with hate:
And not only this, but there was Rebekah also, when she had conceived twins by one man, our father Isaac; for though the twins were not yet born and had not done anything good or bad, so that the purpose of God according to His choice would stand, not because of works but because of Him who calls, it was said to her, “The older shall serve the younger.” Just as it is written, “Jacob I loved but Esau I hated.”
Romans 9:10-13 (emphasis mine)
Is it true that God held animosity and malice toward Esau before he was born? Or maybe even more pressing: is it true that God did not love Esau? We know that God is love (1 John 4:8), and that His love is the center of the gospel. We know that He does not delight in the death of the wicked (Ezekiel 33:11), but desires all men to repentance (2 Peter 3:8-9). And yet we also know that it is by His providence and His choice that some are granted this repentance while others are not (Romans 9:15-18; Ephesians 1:11).
So how could God hate Esau? The key is in the foil: His love for Jacob. The Apostle Paul makes it explicit that this statement is for the purpose of making sure “His choice would stand”. What choice? His choice to select Jacob as the father of His own people. In this case, the love God has for Jacob and the hate He has for Esau is a matter of choosing one to be His and the other not to be His.
With God as our example, then, we can understand a little better that hating your family is not malice or animosity toward them. It is choosing God rather than them.
The cost of discipleship
What is often missing from explanations of this passage is the context which precedes it. This passage is an explanation of His parable about counting the cost. Immediately before this statement, Jesus asks whether a builder will begin a project without first understanding what it will cost him. This is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. This may not be the cost, but it may be the cost. Your father, mother, brother, sister, or even your own life might be the cost of following Him. So will you choose Him first? Will you love God and hate all else? Will your choice stand the trials of this life? I pray you are granted the strength to endure and abandon all hope in all else but Jesus Christ and His blood spilled on Calvary.
May the Lord bless you and conform you into the image of His Son.
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